Post by Elder Gohan on Dec 25, 2013 7:59:49 GMT -5
You'd think we'd have the day off, today of all days...
Match 1: Ronnie O'Sullivan vs Mikey
Ronnie has the fans behind him, Mikey is that fat turd from Recess. Go figure, RAWR is that show I plainly couldn't give a toss about, so these two are in a feud to determine the next #1 contender for the Intercontinental Title, so they've kicked off the show tonight & Mikey is actually winning, because of the weight advantage he's squashing O'Sullivan in the corner with his sizeable arse, Ronnie can't capitalise on this one, he is normally quite quick but I think he's met his match tonight... Mikey with the 3rd street slam... Ronnie slips out at the last second & smacks Mikey with a shocking Superkick! Both men down. Ronnie makes it to the ropes & pulls himself just to position himself for Mikey to run at the turnbuckle... Ronnie moved & Mikey gets an arse full of turnbuckle, Ronnie rapidly climbs... The Rocket's gonna take off... 450 splash 1.2.3! Ronnie beats the big guy!
Match 2: The Stig vs James May - Helmet v Title match!
The Stig just moments ago bet his helmet & no, the thing he wears on his head, not his bellend. James May who is now on day 611 of his IC Title reign, no one can stop him! If James May wins tonight, The Stig will have to unmask but if Stiggy wins then he'll be the new Intercontinental Champion. We're about 10 minutes into the match, The Stig was the first ever Intercontinental Champion before he was beaten by Gun Jack who was then beaten by Captain Carpentry & here we are today, I think that this could be May's last match as IC Champ, The Stig truly has May's number, both men beaten down, James May on his knees, The Stig running to the ropes & knee lift... James May catches Stig's leg & CLUTCH CONTROL LOCKED IN! The Stig has no choice but to tap out! Well a bets a bet!
James May: "Ha, you chump! You essentially boasted that you could beat me... NOW REMOVE YOUR HELMET!"
The Stig attempts to run away but is tied to the announcers chair! The Stig is helpless... OH MY GOD, the helmet is off & what in god's name is that thing?!? Whatever it is, it doesn't look human! It's still more attractive than Queen Beh...
Match 3: Todd Mortar vs Gun Jack (c) - Commonwealth Championship
Gun Jack has been one of the most difficult superstars to beat, being over 7 feet tall 500 ish pounds & not to mention extremely homicidal, now he's beating the hell out of Todd Mortar, his latest victim. Todd Mortar is using his speed advantage to his erm, advantage by removing the turnbuckle pad & Jack has bounced his metal head off it, now Mortar is punching like hell & Jack is wobbling but manages to shove Mortar away & huge clothesline both men down. It's been a good few minutes in this match & Jack is already back to his feet & accidentally KO's the ref! Mortar sees this & goes outside bringing a chair with him, luring Jack to the outside & SMACK, Jack falls headfirst onto the steps... SMACK! Jack is done for, Mortar hits Jack with the chair in the ring again! And another! Three times the charm! Now Todd Mortar has to finish Jack off (hehe Jack off) can Todd lift 500 pounds? Using momentum he can! Firemans carry slam! Cover... REF WAKE UP! COME ON! THE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET 1.... 2.... 3! THE PLACE ERUPTS! Todd Mortar is the new Commonwealth Champion! He's waited a long time for this!
Main Event: SWC World Heavyweight Championship: George (c) vs Mumford
Only in SWC can you have a superstar get a world title shot on his wedding day... It's gonna have to be a short one though, now Mumford has all the momentum behind him, he runs up the turnbuckle & sliced bread #2! Mumfie is hyper, he's running around the ring! No Mumfie, pin him! PIN HIM! Cover. 1.2... Kickout by George, Mumfie is devastated. He wants that title, now what can Mumfie do? George is out of this, he's all but lost the title... Oh a low blow by George, the ref didn't see it & FACELIFT by George, cover 1.2.3! George you low down son of a bitch, how could you do that on a mans wedding day, you weasel!
*Now that the wrestling's over*
It's now time to celebrate christmas! First we start with Mumford's wedding!
*Mumford's wedding*
Reverend Jeff Stelling: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union between man & woman."
Everyone from SWC is in the church!
Jeff: "Do you Daniel Mumford take Stacey Lacey to be your lawful wedded wife?"
Mumford: "I DO! I DO! I DO!"
*BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!*
Piss off Jericho, you're not disrupting the wedding
Jericho: "But One Direction are totally awesome!"
Fuck sake...
Jeff: "Erm. Do you Stacey Lacey take Daniel Mumford to be your lawful wedded husband?"
Robmaniac: "I don't get it? First we have a wrestling show & now we're at a wedding, I don't get this?"
Captain Carpentry: "Shut up Rob."
Stacey Lacey: "I do!"
Jeff: "If anyone knows of any reason why this couple should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace..."
Rey: *answers his phone* yh i in da church watchin dat herb momfort get married to da porno lady yh u wernt invited metalfuck i have 2 call u bak l8r coz dey at the bit were dey say speak now or forever hold your pieces bye lol. it was metalfuck he nt here lol
Jeff: "Right... With that over with. I now pronounce you, man & wife. You may now kiss the bride."
*They kiss*
YAY THEY'RE MARRIED NOW! Finally a wedding on a wrestling show that DOES have a happy ending & with the couple ACTUALLY married in the end.
Carly Rae Jepsen: "Ed, do you think we could get married?"
Me: "...No.
*SWC Christmas Party*
Lord Sugar: "Every SWC member of staff is ordered to party!"
Now were gonna have to split everyone into groups for the christmas dinner, main eventers, midcarders, jobbers & office staff.
Ed, Edd & Eddy: "Christmas music?"
Jake Jolson: "NO FUCKIN' CLIFF RICHARD!"
Right now, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Darth Vader & metalfuck will sit on the jobbers table, they will get the cheap shit in a can type stuff from LIDL's & a warm flat pepsi for drink.
Main Eventers will include Lord Sugar, Captain Carpentry, George, Andy, Lou, Mumford & Stacey Lacey, Jeremy Kyle & Lord Sugar's best mate Nick Hewer, they'll get the finest turkey, beef, lamb, pork, osprey or chicken with fine wine.
Mid carders will include everyone else, they'll get an average christmas dinner along with some beer.
Rey has to have a sippy cup, because Jake Jolson nicked his glass & the canteen had ran out of glasses.
Everyone had a good time, there was Karaoke, dancing, drinking & everyone was merry. It also turns out that Rey is a good singer, having sung some Susan Boyle!
Happy Holidays & a happy new year.
Match 1: Ronnie O'Sullivan vs Mikey
Ronnie has the fans behind him, Mikey is that fat turd from Recess. Go figure, RAWR is that show I plainly couldn't give a toss about, so these two are in a feud to determine the next #1 contender for the Intercontinental Title, so they've kicked off the show tonight & Mikey is actually winning, because of the weight advantage he's squashing O'Sullivan in the corner with his sizeable arse, Ronnie can't capitalise on this one, he is normally quite quick but I think he's met his match tonight... Mikey with the 3rd street slam... Ronnie slips out at the last second & smacks Mikey with a shocking Superkick! Both men down. Ronnie makes it to the ropes & pulls himself just to position himself for Mikey to run at the turnbuckle... Ronnie moved & Mikey gets an arse full of turnbuckle, Ronnie rapidly climbs... The Rocket's gonna take off... 450 splash 1.2.3! Ronnie beats the big guy!
Match 2: The Stig vs James May - Helmet v Title match!
The Stig just moments ago bet his helmet & no, the thing he wears on his head, not his bellend. James May who is now on day 611 of his IC Title reign, no one can stop him! If James May wins tonight, The Stig will have to unmask but if Stiggy wins then he'll be the new Intercontinental Champion. We're about 10 minutes into the match, The Stig was the first ever Intercontinental Champion before he was beaten by Gun Jack who was then beaten by Captain Carpentry & here we are today, I think that this could be May's last match as IC Champ, The Stig truly has May's number, both men beaten down, James May on his knees, The Stig running to the ropes & knee lift... James May catches Stig's leg & CLUTCH CONTROL LOCKED IN! The Stig has no choice but to tap out! Well a bets a bet!
James May: "Ha, you chump! You essentially boasted that you could beat me... NOW REMOVE YOUR HELMET!"
The Stig attempts to run away but is tied to the announcers chair! The Stig is helpless... OH MY GOD, the helmet is off & what in god's name is that thing?!? Whatever it is, it doesn't look human! It's still more attractive than Queen Beh...
Match 3: Todd Mortar vs Gun Jack (c) - Commonwealth Championship
Gun Jack has been one of the most difficult superstars to beat, being over 7 feet tall 500 ish pounds & not to mention extremely homicidal, now he's beating the hell out of Todd Mortar, his latest victim. Todd Mortar is using his speed advantage to his erm, advantage by removing the turnbuckle pad & Jack has bounced his metal head off it, now Mortar is punching like hell & Jack is wobbling but manages to shove Mortar away & huge clothesline both men down. It's been a good few minutes in this match & Jack is already back to his feet & accidentally KO's the ref! Mortar sees this & goes outside bringing a chair with him, luring Jack to the outside & SMACK, Jack falls headfirst onto the steps... SMACK! Jack is done for, Mortar hits Jack with the chair in the ring again! And another! Three times the charm! Now Todd Mortar has to finish Jack off (hehe Jack off) can Todd lift 500 pounds? Using momentum he can! Firemans carry slam! Cover... REF WAKE UP! COME ON! THE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET 1.... 2.... 3! THE PLACE ERUPTS! Todd Mortar is the new Commonwealth Champion! He's waited a long time for this!
Main Event: SWC World Heavyweight Championship: George (c) vs Mumford
Only in SWC can you have a superstar get a world title shot on his wedding day... It's gonna have to be a short one though, now Mumford has all the momentum behind him, he runs up the turnbuckle & sliced bread #2! Mumfie is hyper, he's running around the ring! No Mumfie, pin him! PIN HIM! Cover. 1.2... Kickout by George, Mumfie is devastated. He wants that title, now what can Mumfie do? George is out of this, he's all but lost the title... Oh a low blow by George, the ref didn't see it & FACELIFT by George, cover 1.2.3! George you low down son of a bitch, how could you do that on a mans wedding day, you weasel!
*Now that the wrestling's over*
It's now time to celebrate christmas! First we start with Mumford's wedding!
*Mumford's wedding*
Reverend Jeff Stelling: "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the union between man & woman."
Everyone from SWC is in the church!
Jeff: "Do you Daniel Mumford take Stacey Lacey to be your lawful wedded wife?"
Mumford: "I DO! I DO! I DO!"
*BREAK THE WALLS DOWN!*
Piss off Jericho, you're not disrupting the wedding
Jericho: "But One Direction are totally awesome!"
Fuck sake...
Jeff: "Erm. Do you Stacey Lacey take Daniel Mumford to be your lawful wedded husband?"
Robmaniac: "I don't get it? First we have a wrestling show & now we're at a wedding, I don't get this?"
Captain Carpentry: "Shut up Rob."
Stacey Lacey: "I do!"
Jeff: "If anyone knows of any reason why this couple should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace..."
Rey: *answers his phone* yh i in da church watchin dat herb momfort get married to da porno lady yh u wernt invited metalfuck i have 2 call u bak l8r coz dey at the bit were dey say speak now or forever hold your pieces bye lol. it was metalfuck he nt here lol
Jeff: "Right... With that over with. I now pronounce you, man & wife. You may now kiss the bride."
*They kiss*
YAY THEY'RE MARRIED NOW! Finally a wedding on a wrestling show that DOES have a happy ending & with the couple ACTUALLY married in the end.
Carly Rae Jepsen: "Ed, do you think we could get married?"
Me: "...No.
*SWC Christmas Party*
Lord Sugar: "Every SWC member of staff is ordered to party!"
Now were gonna have to split everyone into groups for the christmas dinner, main eventers, midcarders, jobbers & office staff.
Ed, Edd & Eddy: "Christmas music?"
Jake Jolson: "NO FUCKIN' CLIFF RICHARD!"
Right now, Ed, Edd, Eddy, Darth Vader & metalfuck will sit on the jobbers table, they will get the cheap shit in a can type stuff from LIDL's & a warm flat pepsi for drink.
Main Eventers will include Lord Sugar, Captain Carpentry, George, Andy, Lou, Mumford & Stacey Lacey, Jeremy Kyle & Lord Sugar's best mate Nick Hewer, they'll get the finest turkey, beef, lamb, pork, osprey or chicken with fine wine.
Mid carders will include everyone else, they'll get an average christmas dinner along with some beer.
Rey has to have a sippy cup, because Jake Jolson nicked his glass & the canteen had ran out of glasses.
Everyone had a good time, there was Karaoke, dancing, drinking & everyone was merry. It also turns out that Rey is a good singer, having sung some Susan Boyle!
Happy Holidays & a happy new year.
