Post by Elder Gohan on Mar 9, 2014 8:59:57 GMT -5
It's the event of the year, the moment SWC has been waiting for. Fluck-The-Cluckamania 3! And to get us into the mood we have err. James Corden & Jack Whitehall!
James: "Hello SWC"
*Loud booing*
Jack: "Yeah, we are so goo..."
*Bottles being thrown*
James: "Sure is hostile."
Tell us a joke you fat cunt!
Jack: "Uhh. You know that Carly Rae Jepsen would suck of..."
IT'S ANDY! HE'S RUNNING TO THE RING.
Andy: "First you come 'ere & insult the fans, then you insult a higher up in the company... Get the fuck out!"
James: "Not a chance, we are celebrites..."
What a spear! That looked painful. You're next Shitehall. And a even more painful spear to Jack Whitehall. Andy has his moment!
Match one: Johnny Triplearse vs Dimmick.
Dimmick enters to a whole arena singing you'll never walk alone. Red scarves and everything. WALK ON THROUGH THE RAIN, THOUGH YOUR DREAMS BE TOSSED & BLOWN. WALK ON, WALK ON. WITH HOPE IN YOUR HEART & YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE, YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE. And now we wait for Johnny Triplearse, there's his theme & he's entering on horse & carriage. Let's wrestle. So we're kicking off Fluck-The-Cluckamania with Johnny Triplearse kneeing Dimmick in the gut, Dimmick feeling the effect of it and goes to the corner & massive superplex, 1.2... Dimmick kicks out and kicks Triplearse in the head, Dimmick with a clothesline & then a dropkick, this time sending Triplearse to the corner, Dimmick climbs and punches 7 times. Interesting fact, Dimmick has never lost a match in which he has climbed the turnbuckle & punched 7 times, Triplearse looks annoyed. He's going for the Triple Powerbomb... Dimmick counters DE-CORER! 1.2.3! Dimmick wins at Fluck-The-Cluckamania!
Ronald McDonald beat Eddy. Ronald McDonald is now 3-0 at Fluck-The-Cluckamania.
And now taking to the stage... AVICII!
Todd Mortar is now on the stage. He's making his way to the ring on a fire engine. So cool! Give it up for Avicii! Say what's with that random concrete wall on the stage? Wait, is that Rey's music? Oh he isn't... He's on a wrecking ball...
Rey: i came in like da wrekkin ball lol
*Rey fell off & went flying into the concrete wall.*
That has to be the funniest thing I ever seen. But Rey can continue and is sort of crawling to the ring, there's the bell. this is gonna be quick, Fireman's carry slam. 1.2.3! Botched entrance leads Todd Mortar to retain the Commonwealth Championship. Rey is still sort of mumbling Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus.
It's time for the WANK BANK Match: This will pit Lou, Gun Jack, James Bond, Ronnie O'Sullivan, Mikey & Treguard up against eachother, Lou enters dressed as a royal. Treguard makes his entrance on a white norse & in a suit of armour. Mikey is carried in by the other recess kids. Gun Jack entered to the soviet anthem. James Bond infiltrated the arena & zipwired down to the ring. But now. Please welcome the 5 time world snooker champion, the most talented man to ever grace the game of snooker, blink and you'll miss him THE ROCKET, RONNIE O'SULLIVAN!
Dressed as superman. It's gonna need a superman style effort to win this match, all 6 go out the ring & head towards the ladder, Lou manages to get a ladder in the ring & catches Treguard in the face with the ladder. Interestingly Lou is the only man to have been a world champion in this match, it's carnage at the moment as Treguard cimbs the ladder, he's nearly there... He's getting jerked off, the ladder & OH HE'S TAKING FLYING LESSONS & GOES THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. Can we not have a PPV where my announce table gets destroyed. Fuck. Oh now Lou goes to climb, remember he's just back from injury... Now O'Sullivan is climbing as well but Gun Jack & Mikey tip the ladder, they go flying. Mikey has just lifted & slammed Gun Jack! Mikey's making a grab for it, 007 goes to the crowd & uses his zipwire & flykicks Mikey & lands on the ladder, but Lou knocks him off with his last bit of energy, Ronnie O'Sullivan running up the ladder Shelton Benjamin style & lands on the top rung with everyone down... Ronnie O'Sullivan unhooking, the briefcase of porn mags... IT'S THERE! Ronnie Wins! Here is your winner & the 2014 WANK BANK winner... The ROCKET, RONNIE O'SULLIVAN!
We cut backstage during the epic entrance of HBK & Captain Carpentry.
Robmaniac finally worms his way backstage.
Robmaniac: "I don't get it, what's going on?"
Jeremy Kyle: "Fluck-The-Cluckamania is going on. Where have you been since January?"
Robmaniac: "I don't get it, but I'll try to help."
Jeremy: "OK, but whatever you do. DO NOT press the red button."
Robmaniac: "Press the red button. OK!"
Jeremy: "Nooo... Too late, we've lost broadcast. You idiot man! I told you NOT to press it. You could bankrupt us & get me into trouble. You are a moron, seriously. You're banned from RAWR. Don't come back tomorrow."
*Please bear with us while we fix Rob's fuckup.*
Unfortunately, we missed the HBK v Captain Carpentry match. Twatter & Fackbook are in meltdown, fans & other superstars are royally fucked off. By the way, Captain Carpentry won.
Before the main event, we have a surprise for you. Wait, we are back on. We are live again! Robmaniac is so gonna get it tomorrow... But please welcome to the stage, performing their number 1 hit... THE LAVENDER FUDGE EXPERIENCE!
And now, it's time for our main event! George vs FunkyTown for the SWC World Heavyweight Championship.
George of course enters on a giant papier mache version of his own head. How self centred! While FunkyTown enters in John Travolta's disco suit he wore in Saturday Night Fever. Bell rings & George smashes FunkyTown's head into the turnbuckle & beats the shit out of him, this could very much be the night FunkyTown loses & George chokes him, but FunkyTown gets up & back suplex, both men are down. A few minutes pass & now both men are out the ring & George shoves FunkyTown through the giant George head & then shoved back in the ring, George goes for a clothesline but ko's the ref! George sees this & grabs a chair, such a cheater! SWING AN A MISS & FUNKYTOWN KICKS GEORGE IN THE BOLLOCKS! FunkyTown grabs the chair, smack 1 hit, 2 hit, 3 hits with the chair. The ref is getting up slowly, a low blow by George who is wobbling but lifts FunkyTown into the powerslam position. FUNKYTOWN SLIPS OUT, HE'S GOING FOR THE BREAKDOWN! BREAKDOWN CONNECTING. COVER! COVER! Ref 1...2...3!!!!
LADIES & GENTLEMEN, THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH & NEW SWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION FUNKYTOWN! FUNKYTOWN HAS WON THE WORLD TITLE AT FLUCK-THE-CLUCKAMANIA! BAH GAWD HE'S DONE IT!
James: "Hello SWC"
*Loud booing*
Jack: "Yeah, we are so goo..."
*Bottles being thrown*
James: "Sure is hostile."
Tell us a joke you fat cunt!
Jack: "Uhh. You know that Carly Rae Jepsen would suck of..."
IT'S ANDY! HE'S RUNNING TO THE RING.
Andy: "First you come 'ere & insult the fans, then you insult a higher up in the company... Get the fuck out!"
James: "Not a chance, we are celebrites..."
What a spear! That looked painful. You're next Shitehall. And a even more painful spear to Jack Whitehall. Andy has his moment!
Match one: Johnny Triplearse vs Dimmick.
Dimmick enters to a whole arena singing you'll never walk alone. Red scarves and everything. WALK ON THROUGH THE RAIN, THOUGH YOUR DREAMS BE TOSSED & BLOWN. WALK ON, WALK ON. WITH HOPE IN YOUR HEART & YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE, YOU'LL NEVER WALK ALONE. And now we wait for Johnny Triplearse, there's his theme & he's entering on horse & carriage. Let's wrestle. So we're kicking off Fluck-The-Cluckamania with Johnny Triplearse kneeing Dimmick in the gut, Dimmick feeling the effect of it and goes to the corner & massive superplex, 1.2... Dimmick kicks out and kicks Triplearse in the head, Dimmick with a clothesline & then a dropkick, this time sending Triplearse to the corner, Dimmick climbs and punches 7 times. Interesting fact, Dimmick has never lost a match in which he has climbed the turnbuckle & punched 7 times, Triplearse looks annoyed. He's going for the Triple Powerbomb... Dimmick counters DE-CORER! 1.2.3! Dimmick wins at Fluck-The-Cluckamania!
Ronald McDonald beat Eddy. Ronald McDonald is now 3-0 at Fluck-The-Cluckamania.
And now taking to the stage... AVICII!
Todd Mortar is now on the stage. He's making his way to the ring on a fire engine. So cool! Give it up for Avicii! Say what's with that random concrete wall on the stage? Wait, is that Rey's music? Oh he isn't... He's on a wrecking ball...
Rey: i came in like da wrekkin ball lol
*Rey fell off & went flying into the concrete wall.*
That has to be the funniest thing I ever seen. But Rey can continue and is sort of crawling to the ring, there's the bell. this is gonna be quick, Fireman's carry slam. 1.2.3! Botched entrance leads Todd Mortar to retain the Commonwealth Championship. Rey is still sort of mumbling Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus.
It's time for the WANK BANK Match: This will pit Lou, Gun Jack, James Bond, Ronnie O'Sullivan, Mikey & Treguard up against eachother, Lou enters dressed as a royal. Treguard makes his entrance on a white norse & in a suit of armour. Mikey is carried in by the other recess kids. Gun Jack entered to the soviet anthem. James Bond infiltrated the arena & zipwired down to the ring. But now. Please welcome the 5 time world snooker champion, the most talented man to ever grace the game of snooker, blink and you'll miss him THE ROCKET, RONNIE O'SULLIVAN!
Dressed as superman. It's gonna need a superman style effort to win this match, all 6 go out the ring & head towards the ladder, Lou manages to get a ladder in the ring & catches Treguard in the face with the ladder. Interestingly Lou is the only man to have been a world champion in this match, it's carnage at the moment as Treguard cimbs the ladder, he's nearly there... He's getting jerked off, the ladder & OH HE'S TAKING FLYING LESSONS & GOES THROUGH THE ANNOUNCE TABLE. Can we not have a PPV where my announce table gets destroyed. Fuck. Oh now Lou goes to climb, remember he's just back from injury... Now O'Sullivan is climbing as well but Gun Jack & Mikey tip the ladder, they go flying. Mikey has just lifted & slammed Gun Jack! Mikey's making a grab for it, 007 goes to the crowd & uses his zipwire & flykicks Mikey & lands on the ladder, but Lou knocks him off with his last bit of energy, Ronnie O'Sullivan running up the ladder Shelton Benjamin style & lands on the top rung with everyone down... Ronnie O'Sullivan unhooking, the briefcase of porn mags... IT'S THERE! Ronnie Wins! Here is your winner & the 2014 WANK BANK winner... The ROCKET, RONNIE O'SULLIVAN!
We cut backstage during the epic entrance of HBK & Captain Carpentry.
Robmaniac finally worms his way backstage.
Robmaniac: "I don't get it, what's going on?"
Jeremy Kyle: "Fluck-The-Cluckamania is going on. Where have you been since January?"
Robmaniac: "I don't get it, but I'll try to help."
Jeremy: "OK, but whatever you do. DO NOT press the red button."
Robmaniac: "Press the red button. OK!"
Jeremy: "Nooo... Too late, we've lost broadcast. You idiot man! I told you NOT to press it. You could bankrupt us & get me into trouble. You are a moron, seriously. You're banned from RAWR. Don't come back tomorrow."
*Please bear with us while we fix Rob's fuckup.*
Unfortunately, we missed the HBK v Captain Carpentry match. Twatter & Fackbook are in meltdown, fans & other superstars are royally fucked off. By the way, Captain Carpentry won.
Before the main event, we have a surprise for you. Wait, we are back on. We are live again! Robmaniac is so gonna get it tomorrow... But please welcome to the stage, performing their number 1 hit... THE LAVENDER FUDGE EXPERIENCE!
And now, it's time for our main event! George vs FunkyTown for the SWC World Heavyweight Championship.
George of course enters on a giant papier mache version of his own head. How self centred! While FunkyTown enters in John Travolta's disco suit he wore in Saturday Night Fever. Bell rings & George smashes FunkyTown's head into the turnbuckle & beats the shit out of him, this could very much be the night FunkyTown loses & George chokes him, but FunkyTown gets up & back suplex, both men are down. A few minutes pass & now both men are out the ring & George shoves FunkyTown through the giant George head & then shoved back in the ring, George goes for a clothesline but ko's the ref! George sees this & grabs a chair, such a cheater! SWING AN A MISS & FUNKYTOWN KICKS GEORGE IN THE BOLLOCKS! FunkyTown grabs the chair, smack 1 hit, 2 hit, 3 hits with the chair. The ref is getting up slowly, a low blow by George who is wobbling but lifts FunkyTown into the powerslam position. FUNKYTOWN SLIPS OUT, HE'S GOING FOR THE BREAKDOWN! BREAKDOWN CONNECTING. COVER! COVER! Ref 1...2...3!!!!
LADIES & GENTLEMEN, THE WINNER OF THIS MATCH & NEW SWC WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION FUNKYTOWN! FUNKYTOWN HAS WON THE WORLD TITLE AT FLUCK-THE-CLUCKAMANIA! BAH GAWD HE'S DONE IT!
