Post by Elder Gohan on Jan 29, 2017 14:41:04 GMT -5
I hope this is a good'un, these normally take HOURS to write... Oh we're rolling? WELCOME TO THE ROYAL BUMBLE! WE ARE LIVE IN ROMFORD, GETTING READY FOR THE BUMBLE MATCH WE GO LIVE TO MCDONALDS!
There's a forklift truck in the shop entrance, crashed of course... Youngster Joey has been doing his forklift licence & Todd Mortar has attacked him & pinned him with the forklift truck to win the HardKOK Title. Todd Mortar runs into a wild Exeggutor who uses Psychic & wins the HardKOK Title.
We've been hearing rumours that a superstar will return tonight, he has been spotted near the bookies & Mikey has thrown Exeggutor through the shelves at ASDA!
Main Event: Royal Bumble Match.
30 men. 1 winner. 1 dream.
Let's see who starts the match!
Typical. Martin draws #1. Crowd doesn't like that, but at least he won't win... (At least I hope.)
From SWC News, it's Stevadore Fisher-Bunt! I hope no one paid money for this!
Well they lock up, Martin no sells and pushes Fisher-Bunt into the corner and walks & splashes Fisher-Bunt who is holding his ribs, Oh please don't be injured. It's the last thing we need.
007 James Bond! He looks hesitant, as he crawls into the ring as Martin relaxes in the corner & Fisher-Bunt runs shoulder first into the corner post. 007 punches Martin real hard as he no sells offense again, 007 visibly telling Martin to "fucking sell" as #4 makes way
A former bumble winner, FunkyTown! He points at Martin & kicks him straight in the bollocks! BREAKDOWN on Stevadore Fisher-Bunt & he goes over the top rope! To the one guy who put a bet on Fisher-Bunt, I hope it was a wind up.
Hank Nutz! Was this the guy teased earlier? Will he make it through the night without injury? He punches Martin. Everyone stops... Nutz: "This guy? I gave up porn to wrestle this guy..." Martin with the worse snapmare ever to Nutz, who's head bent the wrong way during the snapmare & he gets a splash to the leg & you hear a mighty snap! The Bumble has been stopped, Wendy!
It's DEL BOY! He's entering the Bumble, everyone still stopped, Martin leaning on the ropes as Del Boy approaches him and leans on the rope, Martin falls out the ring! Oh thank christ...
Martin: "Oh well, Yorghos wins anyway."
YOU FAT BASTARD. THAT'S THE SECOND MAIN EVENT YOU'VE RUINED.
Go on Gentleman Jim! He grabs Martin & throws him into the commentary box! He's fully battering him but then gets in the ring & clotheslines FunkyTown and Del Boy, Jim threatens the crowd but they still cheer him. What a glorious moustache.
007's best friend, Gabriel Logan, shakes 007's hand & they tie-up as the best pals go at it, Del Boy attempts to eliminate FunkyTown but is brushed off, Jim then boots Del Boy off the rebound. 007 puts Logan in the Sharpshooter
1 half of the Clemmon family, Todd Mortar! He is of course the elder brother, goes straight for Del Boy with a sweet roundhouse kick, then receives a left hand from Jim, FunkyTown nails Jim with a discus clothesline, FunkyTown then gets hit by Logan's STO!
No Rattatta? Youngster Joey! He goes & eliminates FunkyTown! He then tells everyone about his Rattatta, Del Boy knees him in the gut & throws him into the ring post. Does everyone know that you have to throw them OVER THE ROPE?
Rey! Well he chose the theme... He then goes for Gentleman Jim who literally puts Rey in to the corner & wails on him, until he falls on the floor. James Bond low blows Jim & locks him in the Sharpshooter. FFS! Why are we using submissions? It's OVER the damn ropes!
Reymond has popped a woody! It's his boyhood idol Rey Mysterio! Reymond is running around so happy as Mysterio hits the 619 & hurricanranas him over the top rope! Unlucky #13 is next, I wonder who it is?
Guys, it's ME! I'm in the Bumble! Bloody hell it's harder than it looks, but still I get to wrestle & I never get the bloody chance, for once I am the star! Rey then kicks me in the head & puts the 619 on me... Del Boy is dropkicked by Todd Mortar.
Mumford doing his arrogant shtick. He takes his time, he then gets in the ring & slaps Todd Mortar & throws him out. 007 still doesn't quite grasp the concept of the match as he locks Del Boy into the sharpshooter again. For someone who has never step foot in a ring, Del Boy has done well
So the 2nd favourite, Captain Carpentry enters the fray as he goes straight for Youngster Joey, then Jim, then 007. But Del Boy low blows the captain and throws him over, what a shock!
Wait a minute... It's RONALD MCDONALD! RONALD MCDONALD RETURNS! He stares down Captain Carpentry as he enters the ring & he starts wailing on people with flurries of punches, 007 meanwhile locks me in the sharpshooter, it's the 7th time in this match!
Oh shit! Barney the dinosaur! I guess Mr Blobby was on the dole, but still equally terrifying! btw how am I still in this match? Barney goes to hug Del Boy & gets kicked in the gut!
Spongebob enters the match, he goes straight for Barney & everyone is just watching on, wondering what the hell we're all doing with our lives, Mumford knees me in the back during the pause & throws me over. S'alright, didn't wanna be world champ anyway...
He's running to the ring, John Clemmon Jr! The younger Clemmon brother & former World Champ, with the same roundhouse that his brother did earlier as Jim attempts to boot him, but is given the same kick!
It's Johnny Triplearse! Remember when he got shot? Barney has chucked James Bond over! That's just wow, time to give him his p45, he's had it!
Another gimmick change for Trumpcard ooh eh ooh uh! Trumpcard then stands cockily in the corner & is playing this one defensively. A wise choice, but Jim with a heavy clothesline nearly KO'ing him.
The apple flavoured intergalactic sex pest, Dimmickdust has gone for Barney, claiming he's an impostor & a false god, well trust Dimmickdust to make things weird, he then hisses at Del Boy & then dropkicks Del Boy over the top. It was a good run, give him credit.
Alright lets just pretend that Yorghos isn't gonna win tonight. Everyone suddenly has a fit of giggles and isn't taking the match seriously, Jim misses a kick by a clear foot, but Spongebob sells it anyway. The fans still chanting abuse at Martin.
Achievement get, Minecraft Steve! Can he mine his way to Fluck-The-Cluckamania? The answer... No. he got press slammed over in 1 minute 45 seconds, Barney eliminated by Gabe Logan. If 007 was still in, he'd lock another poxy sharpshooter!
You're having a laugh! Jake Jolson brings a lead pipe with him & smashes Ronald McDonald with it & over he goes, John Clemmon Jr's jaw is crushed by that pipe & he's outta here, Jim rampaging over Jolson. They're legit smashing eachother.
It's STIG! Him & Yorghos team up & eliminate Jim & Jolson, they do the same to Rey Mysterio, Trumpcard & Spongebob. Dimmickdust then climbs to the top rope & is pushed out by Mumford! Half the ring has gone in 4 minutes!
Matt Hardy! Seriously, that's all he can say! He then throws out Joey! Twist of Fates all round, everyone of course overselling like mad, oh don't give the game away.
It's James May, can he win the bumble? He has to if he wants to face George at Fluck-The-Cluckamania! Oh there goes Gabe Logan, he lasted the longest at nearly an hour, he should hold his head up high tbh.
Yoshimitsu! A superstar who should have done more, he's been here since day 1 & was nearly Commonwealth Champion! He spin kicks Mumford & KANGAROO KICK to The Stig & he goes over! May then low blows Mumford & lifts him over!
Oh god no! It's Chris Jericho! He gets in & taunts the SWC crowd! He then leans on the top rope & Yoshimitsu takes advantage & but Jericho is too smart & Yoshimitsu ends up flying over! We are now down to the final four: Yorghos, Y2J, James May, Johnny Triplearse! Yorghos punches Y2J who comically oversells over the top rope, Gee... I wonder who is gonna win. James May also gets punched & goes over. Triplearse then plays the lute & Yorghos literally looks around & prods Triplearse... Who sells for a good minute straight & Yorghos prods him again & Triplearse is out!
YORGHOS WINS! YORGHOS IS GOING TO FLUCK-THE-CLUCKAMANIA! In the least surprising Bumble ending ever. The crowd went dead, cheers Martin.
There's a forklift truck in the shop entrance, crashed of course... Youngster Joey has been doing his forklift licence & Todd Mortar has attacked him & pinned him with the forklift truck to win the HardKOK Title. Todd Mortar runs into a wild Exeggutor who uses Psychic & wins the HardKOK Title.
We've been hearing rumours that a superstar will return tonight, he has been spotted near the bookies & Mikey has thrown Exeggutor through the shelves at ASDA!
Main Event: Royal Bumble Match.
30 men. 1 winner. 1 dream.
Let's see who starts the match!
Typical. Martin draws #1. Crowd doesn't like that, but at least he won't win... (At least I hope.)
From SWC News, it's Stevadore Fisher-Bunt! I hope no one paid money for this!
Well they lock up, Martin no sells and pushes Fisher-Bunt into the corner and walks & splashes Fisher-Bunt who is holding his ribs, Oh please don't be injured. It's the last thing we need.
007 James Bond! He looks hesitant, as he crawls into the ring as Martin relaxes in the corner & Fisher-Bunt runs shoulder first into the corner post. 007 punches Martin real hard as he no sells offense again, 007 visibly telling Martin to "fucking sell" as #4 makes way
A former bumble winner, FunkyTown! He points at Martin & kicks him straight in the bollocks! BREAKDOWN on Stevadore Fisher-Bunt & he goes over the top rope! To the one guy who put a bet on Fisher-Bunt, I hope it was a wind up.
Hank Nutz! Was this the guy teased earlier? Will he make it through the night without injury? He punches Martin. Everyone stops... Nutz: "This guy? I gave up porn to wrestle this guy..." Martin with the worse snapmare ever to Nutz, who's head bent the wrong way during the snapmare & he gets a splash to the leg & you hear a mighty snap! The Bumble has been stopped, Wendy!
It's DEL BOY! He's entering the Bumble, everyone still stopped, Martin leaning on the ropes as Del Boy approaches him and leans on the rope, Martin falls out the ring! Oh thank christ...
Martin: "Oh well, Yorghos wins anyway."
YOU FAT BASTARD. THAT'S THE SECOND MAIN EVENT YOU'VE RUINED.
Go on Gentleman Jim! He grabs Martin & throws him into the commentary box! He's fully battering him but then gets in the ring & clotheslines FunkyTown and Del Boy, Jim threatens the crowd but they still cheer him. What a glorious moustache.
007's best friend, Gabriel Logan, shakes 007's hand & they tie-up as the best pals go at it, Del Boy attempts to eliminate FunkyTown but is brushed off, Jim then boots Del Boy off the rebound. 007 puts Logan in the Sharpshooter
1 half of the Clemmon family, Todd Mortar! He is of course the elder brother, goes straight for Del Boy with a sweet roundhouse kick, then receives a left hand from Jim, FunkyTown nails Jim with a discus clothesline, FunkyTown then gets hit by Logan's STO!
No Rattatta? Youngster Joey! He goes & eliminates FunkyTown! He then tells everyone about his Rattatta, Del Boy knees him in the gut & throws him into the ring post. Does everyone know that you have to throw them OVER THE ROPE?
Rey! Well he chose the theme... He then goes for Gentleman Jim who literally puts Rey in to the corner & wails on him, until he falls on the floor. James Bond low blows Jim & locks him in the Sharpshooter. FFS! Why are we using submissions? It's OVER the damn ropes!
Reymond has popped a woody! It's his boyhood idol Rey Mysterio! Reymond is running around so happy as Mysterio hits the 619 & hurricanranas him over the top rope! Unlucky #13 is next, I wonder who it is?
Guys, it's ME! I'm in the Bumble! Bloody hell it's harder than it looks, but still I get to wrestle & I never get the bloody chance, for once I am the star! Rey then kicks me in the head & puts the 619 on me... Del Boy is dropkicked by Todd Mortar.
Mumford doing his arrogant shtick. He takes his time, he then gets in the ring & slaps Todd Mortar & throws him out. 007 still doesn't quite grasp the concept of the match as he locks Del Boy into the sharpshooter again. For someone who has never step foot in a ring, Del Boy has done well
So the 2nd favourite, Captain Carpentry enters the fray as he goes straight for Youngster Joey, then Jim, then 007. But Del Boy low blows the captain and throws him over, what a shock!
Wait a minute... It's RONALD MCDONALD! RONALD MCDONALD RETURNS! He stares down Captain Carpentry as he enters the ring & he starts wailing on people with flurries of punches, 007 meanwhile locks me in the sharpshooter, it's the 7th time in this match!
Oh shit! Barney the dinosaur! I guess Mr Blobby was on the dole, but still equally terrifying! btw how am I still in this match? Barney goes to hug Del Boy & gets kicked in the gut!
Spongebob enters the match, he goes straight for Barney & everyone is just watching on, wondering what the hell we're all doing with our lives, Mumford knees me in the back during the pause & throws me over. S'alright, didn't wanna be world champ anyway...
He's running to the ring, John Clemmon Jr! The younger Clemmon brother & former World Champ, with the same roundhouse that his brother did earlier as Jim attempts to boot him, but is given the same kick!
It's Johnny Triplearse! Remember when he got shot? Barney has chucked James Bond over! That's just wow, time to give him his p45, he's had it!
Another gimmick change for Trumpcard ooh eh ooh uh! Trumpcard then stands cockily in the corner & is playing this one defensively. A wise choice, but Jim with a heavy clothesline nearly KO'ing him.
The apple flavoured intergalactic sex pest, Dimmickdust has gone for Barney, claiming he's an impostor & a false god, well trust Dimmickdust to make things weird, he then hisses at Del Boy & then dropkicks Del Boy over the top. It was a good run, give him credit.
Alright lets just pretend that Yorghos isn't gonna win tonight. Everyone suddenly has a fit of giggles and isn't taking the match seriously, Jim misses a kick by a clear foot, but Spongebob sells it anyway. The fans still chanting abuse at Martin.
Achievement get, Minecraft Steve! Can he mine his way to Fluck-The-Cluckamania? The answer... No. he got press slammed over in 1 minute 45 seconds, Barney eliminated by Gabe Logan. If 007 was still in, he'd lock another poxy sharpshooter!
You're having a laugh! Jake Jolson brings a lead pipe with him & smashes Ronald McDonald with it & over he goes, John Clemmon Jr's jaw is crushed by that pipe & he's outta here, Jim rampaging over Jolson. They're legit smashing eachother.
It's STIG! Him & Yorghos team up & eliminate Jim & Jolson, they do the same to Rey Mysterio, Trumpcard & Spongebob. Dimmickdust then climbs to the top rope & is pushed out by Mumford! Half the ring has gone in 4 minutes!
Matt Hardy! Seriously, that's all he can say! He then throws out Joey! Twist of Fates all round, everyone of course overselling like mad, oh don't give the game away.
It's James May, can he win the bumble? He has to if he wants to face George at Fluck-The-Cluckamania! Oh there goes Gabe Logan, he lasted the longest at nearly an hour, he should hold his head up high tbh.
Yoshimitsu! A superstar who should have done more, he's been here since day 1 & was nearly Commonwealth Champion! He spin kicks Mumford & KANGAROO KICK to The Stig & he goes over! May then low blows Mumford & lifts him over!
Oh god no! It's Chris Jericho! He gets in & taunts the SWC crowd! He then leans on the top rope & Yoshimitsu takes advantage & but Jericho is too smart & Yoshimitsu ends up flying over! We are now down to the final four: Yorghos, Y2J, James May, Johnny Triplearse! Yorghos punches Y2J who comically oversells over the top rope, Gee... I wonder who is gonna win. James May also gets punched & goes over. Triplearse then plays the lute & Yorghos literally looks around & prods Triplearse... Who sells for a good minute straight & Yorghos prods him again & Triplearse is out!
YORGHOS WINS! YORGHOS IS GOING TO FLUCK-THE-CLUCKAMANIA! In the least surprising Bumble ending ever. The crowd went dead, cheers Martin.
