Post by Elder Gohan on Apr 10, 2013 11:35:21 GMT -5
"Welcome to SWC: Reality, I am tonight's host Ross Noble. Tonight we discuss such topics as: Are sea levels really rising? Who invented wrestling? Did Jimmy Savile invent impressions? Now then, now then... Onto our first segment... Cooking with Gun Jack!"
*COOKING WITH GUN JACK*
Gun Jack: "FIRST YOU WILL GET BOWL. THEN POUR IN RICE KRISPIES! LAST POUR IN MILK & YOU HAVE RICE KRISPIES! EAT MY RICE KRISPIES! ALSO FOR DESSERT I HAVE CRAB & I COOK IT FOR 20 MINUTES SO IS INCINARATED & THEN I PUT TNT INSIDE. I CALL IT CRAB FILLED WITH EXPLOSIVES!"
*The Gyles Brandreth Report*
Gyles: "Hello viewers, today I am going to report on why baby food in Africa has no words on it! What's interesting about the tins, the cans, is . . . One of the reasons it didn't go down at all well in Africa is that a lot of people in Africa . . . are black! And on the . . . Picture these cans. We're selling baby food to people in Africa. First thing is that people think what's inside is going to be children. And secondly, those that think it is for children are thinking, "Well, this does not look very like any of the children I know," because it is a perfectly charming white child from Texas! How interesting that was. I have been Gyles Brandreth, good night viewers!"
*Captain Carpentry's D.I.Y Guide*
Captain: "Hello SWC! I am the Captain! Today I am gonna show you how to put up a shelf, first you'll need a level, the shelf & the brackets that hold the shelf! First take the level ^ press it flush against the wall at the desired height, then position the level so that the bubble is between the two lines, when level mark a line. The second step is to make sure that you aren't drilling into the electrics or water services using a nail, if you encounter resistance do NOT proceed to drill. When you find an appropriate spot, screw the brackets to the wall using screws & a drill, then finally fix the shelf to the brackets & furnish it with SWC collectibles! I'm putting my replica SWC World Heavyweight Championship in the middle, alongside an action figure of myself to the left & a Mumford action figure on the right!"
*How To... With Neil Dimmick*
Dimmick: "Hey dere lad, it's me yer resident happy scouse chappy Neil Dimmick! Today, we're gonna survive de zombie apocalypse! First, lock all yer doors & watch de news. Yer then wanna get to a secure area like a shop, abandoned school or an airport, yer know like a place that can be locked down in an emergency, of course grab de weapons, yer'll need shitloads like stuff dat'll hert dere heads like guns or cricket bats. When ye've got to de secure area especially remember yer mates & of course decorate yer fortress wiv liverpool fc flags & hopefully live happily ever after! Oh & dont get bitten, if yer do yer gonna die!"
*Important Issues with James May*
James: "More issues to discuss, but first. My new book, it's great. Fifty Shades of James May! Anywho, tonight's issue: Should the Daily Mail be banned? Supporting this statement, It's James Bond!
Bond: "The Daily Mail is a terrible newspaper, it's just middle aged people going on about immigrants & hatred. The Daily Mail has been proven to be a waste of space on the newsstand, it's only use being toilet roll when you run out of real toilet roll..."
May: "Thank you Bond, opposing the statement it's Rey!"
Rey: "yh the daily paper is a gd paper coz u know wots going on in da englands and all that lol. u shuldnt hate it bcoz u dnt hav other papers im done lol"
May: "...I'll leave it for the viewers to decide..."
Ross: "OK That's the end of the show, we say thank you to everyone who took part! Next week, expect more from the SWC superstars & much much more!
*COOKING WITH GUN JACK*
Gun Jack: "FIRST YOU WILL GET BOWL. THEN POUR IN RICE KRISPIES! LAST POUR IN MILK & YOU HAVE RICE KRISPIES! EAT MY RICE KRISPIES! ALSO FOR DESSERT I HAVE CRAB & I COOK IT FOR 20 MINUTES SO IS INCINARATED & THEN I PUT TNT INSIDE. I CALL IT CRAB FILLED WITH EXPLOSIVES!"
*The Gyles Brandreth Report*
Gyles: "Hello viewers, today I am going to report on why baby food in Africa has no words on it! What's interesting about the tins, the cans, is . . . One of the reasons it didn't go down at all well in Africa is that a lot of people in Africa . . . are black! And on the . . . Picture these cans. We're selling baby food to people in Africa. First thing is that people think what's inside is going to be children. And secondly, those that think it is for children are thinking, "Well, this does not look very like any of the children I know," because it is a perfectly charming white child from Texas! How interesting that was. I have been Gyles Brandreth, good night viewers!"
*Captain Carpentry's D.I.Y Guide*
Captain: "Hello SWC! I am the Captain! Today I am gonna show you how to put up a shelf, first you'll need a level, the shelf & the brackets that hold the shelf! First take the level ^ press it flush against the wall at the desired height, then position the level so that the bubble is between the two lines, when level mark a line. The second step is to make sure that you aren't drilling into the electrics or water services using a nail, if you encounter resistance do NOT proceed to drill. When you find an appropriate spot, screw the brackets to the wall using screws & a drill, then finally fix the shelf to the brackets & furnish it with SWC collectibles! I'm putting my replica SWC World Heavyweight Championship in the middle, alongside an action figure of myself to the left & a Mumford action figure on the right!"
*How To... With Neil Dimmick*
Dimmick: "Hey dere lad, it's me yer resident happy scouse chappy Neil Dimmick! Today, we're gonna survive de zombie apocalypse! First, lock all yer doors & watch de news. Yer then wanna get to a secure area like a shop, abandoned school or an airport, yer know like a place that can be locked down in an emergency, of course grab de weapons, yer'll need shitloads like stuff dat'll hert dere heads like guns or cricket bats. When ye've got to de secure area especially remember yer mates & of course decorate yer fortress wiv liverpool fc flags & hopefully live happily ever after! Oh & dont get bitten, if yer do yer gonna die!"
*Important Issues with James May*
James: "More issues to discuss, but first. My new book, it's great. Fifty Shades of James May! Anywho, tonight's issue: Should the Daily Mail be banned? Supporting this statement, It's James Bond!
Bond: "The Daily Mail is a terrible newspaper, it's just middle aged people going on about immigrants & hatred. The Daily Mail has been proven to be a waste of space on the newsstand, it's only use being toilet roll when you run out of real toilet roll..."
May: "Thank you Bond, opposing the statement it's Rey!"
Rey: "yh the daily paper is a gd paper coz u know wots going on in da englands and all that lol. u shuldnt hate it bcoz u dnt hav other papers im done lol"
May: "...I'll leave it for the viewers to decide..."
Ross: "OK That's the end of the show, we say thank you to everyone who took part! Next week, expect more from the SWC superstars & much much more!
