Post by Elder Gohan on Apr 17, 2013 13:25:35 GMT -5
"Welcome to SWC: Reality, I am tonight's host Brian Blessed, on tonight's show: Barry Shitpeas & Trevor Rent show an old lady round a porn studio! More cookery expertise from Gun Jack & much much more!"
*Cooking with Gun Jack*
Gun Jack: "TODAY WE MAKE PLUTONIUM PIE! FIRST MAKE PIE THEN PUT IN PLUTONIUM AND COOK FOR 20 MINUTES, WARNING: DISH IS NOT SAFE FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! YOU WILL DIE! JACK POWER! IF NO I WILL KILL ALL YOU PATHETIC HUMANS! OR I'LL MAKE RICE KRISPIES WITH CYANIDE & WAIT FOR HUMANS TO DIE!"
*Director runs over & talks to Gun Jack*
Gun Jack: "OH I MEAN... HAVE A HAPPY... DAY!"
*The Gyles Brandreth Report*
Gyles: "Hello viewers! Tonight we play Scrabble with the SWC President... Let us begin. *Skip 5 minutes.* I think I won that one, Mr President! Another round? Of course. *10 minutes of scrabble-y goodness...*
Mr President: "Gyles. I feel we must discuss business, on KOKDown last friday Justin Bieber was fired live on TV, his replacement... Do you think we should reveal him at the end of tonight's show?"
Gyles: "But of course, I would love to congratulate the new star..."
Mr President: "I have a few superstars in mind from the SWC: Noon development camp. The few that stand out are: Johnny Triplearse, Argyle, The Dragonborn & Hank Nutz. Of course we'll have to wait."
*Barry Shitpeas & Rent discuss current affairs*
Barry: "ere Rent, you direct porno right? I wonder if old women secretly like porno?"
Rent: "You might be onto something daughter, lets show this lady here..."
*Later at the studio*
Barry: *Holding the camera* "See love, this is 'spooning' you know, coz they're shaped like spoons in the draw."
Old lady: "OK, so why move the camera down to the private areas?"
Barry: "Coz most people aren't too fussy, they wanna see the action close up. But we don't wanna zoom in too much or else it'd just look rubbish!"
Old lady: "Understandable of course. Now why is the man performing behind the lady?"
Rent: "Coz the customer wants variety, we can't stay static!"
Old lady: "Goodness me! Why is this strong fellow ejaculating on the lady's face!"
Barry: "That is the money shot, the main focus of the film. It's called the money shot coz it makes money for us."
Old lady: "Primarily. I think I have been enlightened about this industry, thank you Mr. Rent & Mr. erm... Shitpeas!"
That could have gone a lot worse...
*How to... With Neil Dimmick*
Dimmick: "Hey dere lad, tonight were gonna learn how to be a good midfielder! first you'll need a liverpool fc full kit, boots & ability in de ferst place. Ferst things ferst, you'll need to practice you know, weave in and out de cones & be able te read de game like, most of de game you want to keep running & never walk lad. Always try yer 'ardest & if yer cant score look for de pass! Soon enough yer'll be an anfield legend!"
*Rey speaks!*
Rey: "ello fools lol i is rey yh. i talk to the SCWWE pres lol yh yh"
SWC President: "It's SWC & what do you want me here for you flat-headed applejohn?"
Rey: "lol i not ned dimmock i dont like apples mr scwwe i got to aks u a question. did u wanna call up a scwwe superstar from the daycare lol and dont give a title shot to da herb momfort lol"
SWC: "...I need to take an epic dump, Gun Jack's Coco Pops are backfiring on me. Can't make a big decision on a full stomach, you know if I don't make it out of the bogs, Mr. Ed, Mr. Fry, Mr. Kyle, Barry Shitpeas & Stacey Lacey know who the superstar is..."
Rey: "lol wut dis scwwe president is funny i gotta talk to u lot now. did u know that the scwwe world title is really the WWE World Heavyweight Championship? i also gt to tell u dat metalfuck is now the assistant manager of rawr but stephen fry wont let him do anything!"
*It's been at least an hour*
Rey: "ugh i been talking for an hour. i get the general managers to the toilets, no one takes a poo poo dat long lol."
Jeremy Kyle: "Mr President... Are you here?"
*Jeremy Kyle kicks the cubicle door down*
Fry: "GOOD LORD!"
Stacey: "OH MY GOD!"
Jeremy: "My god... The SWC President... IS DEAD!"
Fry: "What should we do?"
Jeremy: "We should hold an inquiry into what happened. I think the death is not suspicious, Gun Jack is not to blame. His cookery show has a massive disclaimer."
Stacey: "And then what?"
Fry: "We advertise the vacancy for presidency & the candidate should reveal his identity on RAWR!"
Stacey: "You mean KOKDown!"
Jeremy: "Lets end the show for now."
*Cooking with Gun Jack*
Gun Jack: "TODAY WE MAKE PLUTONIUM PIE! FIRST MAKE PIE THEN PUT IN PLUTONIUM AND COOK FOR 20 MINUTES, WARNING: DISH IS NOT SAFE FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! YOU WILL DIE! JACK POWER! IF NO I WILL KILL ALL YOU PATHETIC HUMANS! OR I'LL MAKE RICE KRISPIES WITH CYANIDE & WAIT FOR HUMANS TO DIE!"
*Director runs over & talks to Gun Jack*
Gun Jack: "OH I MEAN... HAVE A HAPPY... DAY!"
*The Gyles Brandreth Report*
Gyles: "Hello viewers! Tonight we play Scrabble with the SWC President... Let us begin. *Skip 5 minutes.* I think I won that one, Mr President! Another round? Of course. *10 minutes of scrabble-y goodness...*
Mr President: "Gyles. I feel we must discuss business, on KOKDown last friday Justin Bieber was fired live on TV, his replacement... Do you think we should reveal him at the end of tonight's show?"
Gyles: "But of course, I would love to congratulate the new star..."
Mr President: "I have a few superstars in mind from the SWC: Noon development camp. The few that stand out are: Johnny Triplearse, Argyle, The Dragonborn & Hank Nutz. Of course we'll have to wait."
*Barry Shitpeas & Rent discuss current affairs*
Barry: "ere Rent, you direct porno right? I wonder if old women secretly like porno?"
Rent: "You might be onto something daughter, lets show this lady here..."
*Later at the studio*
Barry: *Holding the camera* "See love, this is 'spooning' you know, coz they're shaped like spoons in the draw."
Old lady: "OK, so why move the camera down to the private areas?"
Barry: "Coz most people aren't too fussy, they wanna see the action close up. But we don't wanna zoom in too much or else it'd just look rubbish!"
Old lady: "Understandable of course. Now why is the man performing behind the lady?"
Rent: "Coz the customer wants variety, we can't stay static!"
Old lady: "Goodness me! Why is this strong fellow ejaculating on the lady's face!"
Barry: "That is the money shot, the main focus of the film. It's called the money shot coz it makes money for us."
Old lady: "Primarily. I think I have been enlightened about this industry, thank you Mr. Rent & Mr. erm... Shitpeas!"
That could have gone a lot worse...
*How to... With Neil Dimmick*
Dimmick: "Hey dere lad, tonight were gonna learn how to be a good midfielder! first you'll need a liverpool fc full kit, boots & ability in de ferst place. Ferst things ferst, you'll need to practice you know, weave in and out de cones & be able te read de game like, most of de game you want to keep running & never walk lad. Always try yer 'ardest & if yer cant score look for de pass! Soon enough yer'll be an anfield legend!"
*Rey speaks!*
Rey: "ello fools lol i is rey yh. i talk to the SCWWE pres lol yh yh"
SWC President: "It's SWC & what do you want me here for you flat-headed applejohn?"
Rey: "lol i not ned dimmock i dont like apples mr scwwe i got to aks u a question. did u wanna call up a scwwe superstar from the daycare lol and dont give a title shot to da herb momfort lol"
SWC: "...I need to take an epic dump, Gun Jack's Coco Pops are backfiring on me. Can't make a big decision on a full stomach, you know if I don't make it out of the bogs, Mr. Ed, Mr. Fry, Mr. Kyle, Barry Shitpeas & Stacey Lacey know who the superstar is..."
Rey: "lol wut dis scwwe president is funny i gotta talk to u lot now. did u know that the scwwe world title is really the WWE World Heavyweight Championship? i also gt to tell u dat metalfuck is now the assistant manager of rawr but stephen fry wont let him do anything!"
*It's been at least an hour*
Rey: "ugh i been talking for an hour. i get the general managers to the toilets, no one takes a poo poo dat long lol."
Jeremy Kyle: "Mr President... Are you here?"
*Jeremy Kyle kicks the cubicle door down*
Fry: "GOOD LORD!"
Stacey: "OH MY GOD!"
Jeremy: "My god... The SWC President... IS DEAD!"
Fry: "What should we do?"
Jeremy: "We should hold an inquiry into what happened. I think the death is not suspicious, Gun Jack is not to blame. His cookery show has a massive disclaimer."
Stacey: "And then what?"
Fry: "We advertise the vacancy for presidency & the candidate should reveal his identity on RAWR!"
Stacey: "You mean KOKDown!"
Jeremy: "Lets end the show for now."
